You do not have to be gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgendered, or know someone who is, to be negatively affected by homophobia. Though heterosexism and homophobia actively oppress gay men, lesbians, bisexuals, and transgendered individuals, they also hurt heterosexuals.

Heterosexism hurts us by teaching us:

• To have negative stereotypes about others which keep us from connecting with them
  
• to be "dualistic": think in either/or, right/wrong and good/bad patterns
  
• Men: to be logical, rational, stoic, reserved, dominant, macho, strong, courageous; punished for being too emotional, "soft," spontaneous, affectionate, or expressive
  
• Women: to be passive, sensitive, dependent, ''pretty," petite, polite, nurturing, supportive, to put other's needs before our own; punished for being assertive, intelligent, or independent
  
• to minimize differences and uniqueness
  
• to believe myths, lies, misinformation (missing information) through "educational" institutions

Heterosexism reinforces feelings:

• fear of the unknown/different cultures
  
• fear of taking risks outside of prescribed traditional gender role norms
  
• the fear of what could happen to us if we "break the silence" and challenge the system
  
• inner struggle/conflict between doing what feels "right" and "just," and doing what "society" demands
  
• seemingly instinctive fear of people who are different
  
• the pain of having to choose between personal integrity and familial/peer approval and acceptance

Heterosexism Attitudes, Beliefs, and Behaviors result in:

• distancing from those who are different
  
• a false sense of superiority
  
• self-righteous attitude
  
• false source of self-esteem
  
• a mono culture understanding of life
  
• unconsciously colluding with the system of heterosexism
  
• unknowingly acting on our privileges and power without understanding how we are hurting/oppressing others
  
• forced to conform to socialized standards of the dominant heterosexual culture

Losses as a result of Heterosexism:

• being prejudged as an active heterosexist, a threat, an oppressor without being given the chance to demonstrate otherwise
  
• not encouraged to develop communities with gays, lesbians and bisexuals; to work collectively to create or change things
  
• stereotypes and myths undermine attempts to build coalitions of groups working together to create change at a systems level
  
• kept in competition with members of other targeted groups, competing for the "scraps and leftovers" from the table of oppression
  
• kept from having a deeper understanding of the inter relatedness of all forms of oppression
  
• lack of meaningful relationships and true community with gays, lesbians and bisexuals
  
• being so full of negative thoughts, feelings, stereotypes and hatred towards others affects our mental health
  
• the realities of "punishments" from individuals, groups and societal institutions if we choose to act as heterosexual allies and challenge heterosexism
  
• not being taught the interconnections between all of the "isms": racism, classism, sexism, heterosexism, ageism, Jewish oppression, disability oppression, and others.
  
• being drawn into the destructive competition over "which form of oppression is the worst"
  
• this denies the interconnectedness of all forms of oppression and pits people against each other.
  
• we then end up "doing the oppressors' work" for them.